Vital Football

Latest Morecambe FC News

What do you think of it so far, Eric?

What do you think of it so far, Eric?

Football doesn't get any better than this. On a balmy evening in Morecambe, a large crowd was entertained by a fabulous display of the greatest arts of the Beautiful Game. The moves were fluent, the play intelligent; the atmosphere electric. Only the brilliance of both goalkeepers kept the score down. Before the game, beautiful girls with golden buckets threw Morecambe rock in club colours into the crowd as a marching band entertained the expectant hordes. Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise led out the teams as Placido Domingo conducted the masses in a wonderful rendition of "Bring me Sunshine". It really sounded just like Opera. And then a familiar voice over the tannoy said something that also sounded just like Opera. Or was it... Oprah?:

"Did you ever take banned substances to enhance viewing experience?"

I found myself saying "Yes" in a weak voice which surely didn't belong to me.

"Did you take any other banned substances?"

Before I could stop myself, I had blurted this out:

"All the fault and blame is on me and a lot of that is momentum and I lost myself in all that. I couldn't handle it. The story is so bad and toxic and a lot of it is true."

And then I woke up. Frozen. And realised that I had fallen asleep, so absolutely DIRE was this so-called League Two contest. Then I also realised that the story I could have written about a night as dreary as any I can ever remember watching football really WAS so bad and toxic that I couldn't handle it. And ALL of what I have just written is true.

As far as Morecambe were concerned, Nick Fenton was voted Man of The Match; Captain Will Haining was lucky not to be at least booked for continually fouling Jermaine McGlashan; Ryan Williams and Chris Holroyd both made their debuts as substitutes during the second half and Barry Roche sported a very fetching pair of black tights under his green goalkeeping strip.

As far as Cheltenham were concerned, their outstanding player was the afore-mentioned number eleven. He looked quick, clever and tricky. Sadly, he did himself no favours early on when he made a meal of the contacts he was on the receiving end of and deserved a yellow card for petulantly throwing the ball away when the referee denied him a free kick after about fifteen minutes. After that - very ironically - he behaved himself perfectly, which is more than can be said of the Morecambe defence, who kicked him and generally knocked him about at every possible opportunity as the referee did absolutely nothing whatsoever to protect what was probably the best player on the park.

As far as the game was concerned, it was dreadful, full-stop. There were a few chances for both sides but the match had 0-0 written all over it right from kick-off and I was so cold at the end of it that the effort of recording wonder strikes from Kevin Ellison which only just missed the goal in injury time right at the death or Haining hacking the ball away when Roche was beaten after 46 minutes were almost too much for my frozen fingers. The weather was absolutely bitterly cold and the outlying all-weather pitches had a sprinkling of snow on them. Personally, I was hoping the referee would call it off at any time - and increasingly for any reason: boredom being top of the list. No wonder the final whistle was met by a chorus of boos. And I still can`t feel my toes. If someone had offered me banned substances to block-out the sheer monotony and apparent pointlessness of what was on show at the Globe Arena tonight, I for one would certainly have said 'Yes', Oprah.

Yes Indeed and Yes Please...

Morecambe: 1 Barry Roche; 2 Nick Fenton; 3 Robbie Threlfall; 6 Will Haining (C); 15 Chris McCready; 16 Stewart Drummond; 14 Jordan Burrow (26 Chris Holroyd 68 mins); 17 Andy Fleming (10 Ryan Williams 75 mins); 9 Lewis Allesandra; 11 Kevin Ellison; 18 Gary McDonald.
Substitutes not used: 25 Andreas Arestidou; 23 20; 19 Joe McGee; 27 Jack Redshaw.

Cheltenham: 1 Scott Brown; 2 Keith Lowe; 3 Billy Jones; 6 Steve Elliot; 7 Marlon Pack; 8 Sam Deering; 11 Jermaine McGlashan (Y); 14 Shaun Harrad (9 Darryl Duffy 82 mins); 16 Russell Penn (C); 22 Sido Jombati (Y); 23 Kaid Mohamed.
Substitutes not used: 12 Connor Roberts; 15 Alan Bennett; 18 Jake Taylor; 34 Joe Hanks; 10 Jeff Goulding.

Ref: Eddie Elderton.
Att: 1526.

Apply To Be A Site Editor



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Roger Fitton
Date:Saturday January 19 2013
Time: 11:34AM

Login to post a comment

Recent Morecambe Articles

More Reliable Than A League 2 Octopus? (22/2/17)

Time for the new special computer that crunches the numbers to determine the final League Two positions for 2016/17.

Who Serves A Suspension This Week - 22/2/17

Here's a list of all the players currently serving, or under a suspension at the beginning of the week that will potentially keep them out of contention...

Perfect Pitch at Newport? Hardly...

The last time Newport County entertained Morecambe was in early December last year, when the game was rained-off at half time with the Exiles winning one-nil. This is one of the few times the Welsh cl

Football League - Fixture Day & 2017/18 Key Dates

The Football League have released the key dates for the coming 2017/18 season, and the all important fixtures will be released on Wednesday June 21 at 9am.

Archived Vital Morecambe Articles

Vital Morecambe articles from

Site Journalists

Write for Vital Morecambe
Write For Vital Morecambe
Apply Here

Current Poll (see more polls)

Crawley v Morecambe
Suggested By:
Morecambe win52%
Crawley win40%
Draw8%

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Doncaster 32 19 7 6 64 23
2 Plymouth 31 19 4 8 61 17
3 Carlisle 32 15 13 4 58 11
4 Luton 32 14 11 7 53 18
5 Portsmouth 31 15 7 9 52 16
6 Exeter 32 15 5 12 50 16
7 Colchester 32 13 8 11 47 7
8 Mansfield 32 12 11 9 47 4
9 Stevenage 32 14 4 14 46 1
10 Wycombe 32 13 7 12 46 -1
11 Barnet 32 11 12 9 45 -2
12 Grimsby 32 12 8 12 44 0
13 Cambridge 31 12 7 12 43 3
14 Blackpool 31 10 12 9 42 12
15 Morecambe 31 12 6 13 42 -7
16 Crawley 31 11 6 14 39 -11
17 Yeovil 32 9 11 12 38 -7
18 Crewe 32 8 12 12 36 -11
19 Accrington 30 8 9 13 33 -10
20 Notts County 32 9 6 17 33 -21
21 Cheltenham 32 7 11 14 32 -10
22 Hartlepool 32 7 11 14 32 -18
23 Leyton Orient 32 8 5 19 29 -15
24 Newport 32 5 11 16 26 -15
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Write for Vital Football

Recent Morecambe Results (view all)

Morecambe Fixtures (view all)

Feb 25 2017 3:00PM : Grimsby Town (H)
Sky Bet League Two
Feb 28 2017 7:45PM : Portsmouth (a)
Sky Bet League Two
Mar 4 2017 3:00PM : Blackpool (a)
Sky Bet League Two
Mar 11 2017 3:00PM : Yeovil Town (H)
Sky Bet League Two
Mar 14 2017 7:45PM : Newport County (H)
Sky Bet League Two
Mar 18 2017 3:00PM : Plymouth Argyle (a)
Sky Bet League Two
The Vital Football Members League